Selfish Jerk or Focused Contributor?

Our desire for approval can cripple us. If you care about people, you want to meet their needs. But life is busy. Sacrificial service disintegrates into good intentions. Out of sheer survival, you become calloused to the needs of others. You’re ashamed of your indifference but overwhelmed by the level of adversity around you. When you finally roll up your sleeves, you feel you can’t do enough. Frustrated, you wonder, “Will I ever make a difference?”

During an interview on the television program 20/20, host John Stossel grilled Texas billionaire Dan Duncan, regarding charitable contributions.

Stossel: “You’ve given a lot to charity, but really you gave only 2% of your net worth. That sounds cheap.”

Duncan: “If that was all that I ever wanted to give away, I would agree 100%, [but] if you're one of the gifted people that can actually make more money, people receiving it are better off if you keep it to get a lot more later on."

Duncan perceives his ability to make money as a gift that ultimately benefits others. His corporation, Enterprise Products, does generate a huge amount of wealth for Duncan to give away. Whether cancer research (Duncan’s charity) profits more from a lump sum or a steady stream of cash is a subject for debate, but Duncan clearly believes he is a greater asset to the world when he operates from his strengths.

Undoubtedly, we have the most impact when we embrace God’s design for our lives. But the short term thinkers always seem to have better plans for our time. They belittle our progress because they don’t understand our goals. How do you stay on course without ignoring the needs of others?

Clarity

Do you often feel confused about what God wants? Do you even resist what you think might be his expectations? Are you conflicted, wanting to follow God yet not sure you’ll be happy where he leads? Sometimes this lack of clarity is the result of a distorted or inadequate view of God. You may have been taught or just assumed that God wants certain things. How can you know for certain what God requires?

There is no shortcut to knowing God’s will; it takes time. In one sense, God is like any other person; the more time you spend with him, the more you understand him. Some people spend virtually no time at all getting to know God. They may even ignore what little they know of God’s law. Yet when they face major life decisions, they toss up quick prayers, asking and expecting God to lead and protect them. This strategy will not work consistently. A better strategy is to pursue an ongoing relationship with God, reading and studying the Bible, asking God for wisdom and courage, and doing your best to walk in his ways. When the time comes for a major life decision, you’ll be far more likely to make a wise one. You’ll instinctively know what God expects because you will know God.

God wants you to know him as your Creator. He made you for a purpose and longs for you to discover that purpose. He knows that life will be truly satisfying for you when you live out that purpose. He has given you personality, talents, and abilities. He does not desire that these gifts be wasted. Instead, he wants you to use them for their maximum capacity for good. When you do this, God receives glory.

God wants you to know him as your Savior. Many people use their God-given gifts for selfish or destructive ends. In fact, if we’re honest, we all would admit that we have this tendency. Yet God desires to save us from this tendency and to empower us to use our gifts for good.

How can you “use your gifts for good” this week?

~John

Guilt and Shame

Guilt and shame are related to each other but are not the same. Guilt is objective; it is the state in which you find yourself when you have violated a law, moral code or personal value. You experience painful feelings of regret associated with your behavior. You feel guilty because you are guilty. This guilt motivates you to change. Shame is subjective; it is a feeling of humiliation based on the belief that you are defective or inadequate as a person. You feel despair because you believe that you are fundamentally flawed and cannot change.

Guilt says I’ve done something wrong; shame says there is something wrong with me. Guilt says I’ve made a mistake; shame says I am a mistake. Guilt says what I did was not good; shame says I am no good (John Bradshaw, 1988).

Feelings of shame are often generated from toxic messages you receive from others when you fail to meet their expectations. “You are so incompetent!” “You are so selfish and ungrateful!” “You’ll never get it right!” Messages like these leave no room for amends and tend to reinforce inferiority, self-doubt, helplessness and hopelessness.

Feelings of guilt are generally healthy messages you receive from yourself when you have violated your conscience. “I have done wrong but I can change, make amends, correct a mistake, receive forgiveness, and be restored.” Messages like these reinforce hope and optimism.

Are you willing to become the person God designed you to be even if you incur disappointment from some? Is there someone with whom you need to reconcile and/or make restitution?